I Could Possibly Be Fading

through the smoke and dust my shitty demeanor prevails. this is an issue. the lows im supposed to feel should not last for days at a time. or so ive been taught. even just now in the shower i found myself thinking dark and overall scary thoughts. it seems kinda like once i get home the world gets just a little blacker. idk what im on about here. herbert is still alive, so thats a plus. gotta think of a present for courtney. maybe i will give her money. but right now i cant be bothered to care. i'll give it till thursday night, then i'll talk to someone bout my mood. for now, be happy. and smile. think happy thoughts. flowers. puppies. butterflies. generational solidarity. and killing yourself. wear your armour to hide your wounds. i dont mean to alarm anyone, but i might need help on this one. x

Am I Half A Man, Living Half A Life?

ok so im a sucker for cryptic messages. but thats me. im running down a corridor towards a door. and i wanna get through that door so bad it almost hurts. almost. and i get closer... 20 metres... 10 metres... 5 metres... 2 metres... 1 metre... then i blink, and i am back at the start. after being trapped in this time/space loop for what feels like an eternity.... the question arises; what happens when i turn around and run backwards? or, more importantly, do i want to throw away everything i know in order to see the other side? life breeds and persists inside our buried coffins. but our empty corpses live on. dont blink or its over.

herbert is the single most gnarly beetle you will ever meet. rumor has it he flew to earth from neptune in a large green frisbee. idk. you be the judge.

Herbert

yo! just remembered that i need to inform cyberspace of herberts existence. he is a little black beetle i found on the floor of my christian studies classroom. i think hes christian. he was reading the bible... the bit where jebus turns water into wine. when i got home i painted him white, and drew a H on his back and a smiley face on the back of his head. i even took him to the show on friday night, where the question was raised... 'how is he gonna survive? what does he eat?' well, i still dont know but allow me to inform you of how smart i am. i figured that these beetles live in ppls lawns (i googled it) so i just dug up a chunk of my lawn and put it in an old lunch box. and now herbert is running around in there eating stuff and looking mighty healthy. for those that want to partake in the viewing of the elusive herbert, i will be taking him with me to school. also, jess has a photograph of him. jess, if your eyes are passing over this, please upload the photo of herbert so all the little ppl that live in the internet can see him.

The Dream Book Says Its Trust Issues

ahhh the camden show. much love. went on friday night with courtney, jess, alyssa and grant. had madd fun even though i didnt go on any rides. but they are truly the biggest ripoff ever. saw grants lovely baking and photographic endeavours. met up with tayla and she chillaxed with us for a while. which was cool. i purchased a big drink thingy that looks a lot like a bong and got sugar high off it. then security told us to 'move on'... it was closing. then yesterday... saturday.. i went again. it was a kinda spur of the moment thing, i was bored so i decided to go. met up with mitch, kate, and sarah when i got there. refilled my bong/drink bottle twice. ran into courtney, and sarah ran off to chill with adam for a bit. wierdest looking kid out. omg we saw odin as well, he kept askin me bout my mum. which creeped me out a lil. saw ash and eden, eden saw my bong like drink bottle and decided she wants to buy one so her and her brother can actually convert it into a bong. twas and odd convo. actually, saw quite a few peeps last night. spent all of six bucks. ok, im a tightass. bite me.

shout out to japc. you guys are my gravity... thanks for keeping me grounded.

No One Cares About The Man In The Box

today was uneventful. courtney told me about how much fun the fray was, and sadly that was the most exciting part of my day. we had a meeting about the deb ball... im not going. not really because i dont want to but more because there is nobody to go with. its storming. rainclouds over my subtle highlights. so this shit with jess rix and sarah parker is starting to annoy me. i may be forced to talk to j-mo bout how effed up some of his choices are. peace out. or maybe just a peaceful illusion.

Somehow It All Adds Up

hi there. today was.... average. just like every other day essentially, the sun went up and my energy went down, but different in the details. for instance, walking through taber park barefoot, which hurt more than an exploding lobster to the groin, or scabbing a coke off herr dimmell, which made jessica and myself feel uber slack. shout out to stinky and alyssa. laughing at the cystitis ad.... but now i cant look at it ever again. i just found a box that says 'ural' on the side and says its for treating cystitis in the bathroom i share with my sister. and i know its not mine. fml.

ps. sometimes i believe i am flying. but then i notice the ground above me and i realise that im just lying down.

this part always used to terrify me. i had to shut my eyes and was scared of mr wonka for a long time... but now i think its kinda cool. reminds me of tripping on energy drinks and vodka whilst watching skins... cept not as bad.

Apologies...

wow i just looked at my blog and realised that i cant comment, which probably means that all you people that live in my computer cant either. so for that i am sorry, but i like this skin so too bad. i may add a cbox if the fancy takes me. and just in case you were wondering, yes i was trying to comment on my own blog to make myself look cool. and that last post was effing massive (if i was immature and childish i would make some kind of sexually orientated joke here) so i am sorry. i promise i wont hate you if you only read the start and the end. actually, its all pretty boring. dont bother reading it. it is simply not worth your time. which is more valuable than mine.

A Conglomeration of Random Shit

so heres my day: i woke up with full intent to mow the lawns and clean the pool and do my english assessment and at some point attend open day. then about half an hour after i woke up i was informed that i had to go to bathroom and tiling shops to make the final decisions on what i want in my bathroom in our new house. which was fine, i figured it would only take an hour at the most. but no... i did not. i spent most of the time waiting in the car watching a russell brand dvd i put on my phone. we went straight to open day, arriving around 1 oclock. me and justin and nut bummed around until they left at 2, i had to stay and help pack up... sadly that was the biggest workout i have had in months. then on the way home dad suddenly remembered that he had shopping to do. all in all i didnt even get home until about 5... so then had to write half of my english assessment, shower and eat dinner, and then finished my assessment about 3 minutes ago. asshole is such a funny word.

My New Look

ok so i will be the first to admit that my old skin was shit. but it was the best i could find when i started this blog. but now i have found this one, which i like better. so here it is... can you see it? its all around. Today was pretty average... nothing happened. like, at all. except for my new skin. unless i have forgotten something, which is entirely plausible. i dont know. peeps, if anything happened to me today i expect you to comment and tell me what it was. over and out.

my absolute favourite song in the entire movie.

A Little Glimpse Inside Myself

hi there. im actually unsure of what to say... but i need to say something. apologies for not posting in however long, my internet seems to work for a day and then not work for two. maybe its hormonal. idk. but if you dont hear from me after hmmm.... lets say two days, i want you to look at the sky and scream "fuck you josh's internet" at the top of your lungs. coz that would be the most likely cause for my cyber absence. stuff has happened. so basically some shit happened, which in turn caused shit to be said, which in turn caused shit feelings. if you dont understand what i mean then too bad, those who know will understand... maybe. or perhaps im being paranoid. but its got me asking a lot of questions... but i dont want to answer them. there is so many things i dont know. like, do siamese twins buy one bus ticket or two? when you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? why am i so sure its not me, when it all feels like its my fault? idk. seriously, idk. but i think talking at the world is very akin to actual therapy. but just because i think it, doesnt mean it has become the nature of my reality. signing out.

Wow...

well i just read karols blog... holy shit. she seems mighty pissed about nothing. and about twenty minutes after my last post... the motherbitching internet died again. but on the upside, im going over jessicas place in about half an hour. which will be fun. catch yall later.

Allow Me To Reintroduce Myself...

omfg finally i have internet again! stupid gay internet totally cut out for pretty much the last ten days.... asshole. so i guess lots of stuff has happened, but i can't recall the details so i wont bore you all with vague notions. i digress. today we had pizza, delivered by our very own pizza slut. twas good and now i owe alyssa two bucks. which i can live with. and tomorrow at some point i plan to haul ass over to jessicas place, where we shall continue watching skins. after that... i dont really know. i did something stupid today. really stupid. i was falling asleep in software today and j-mo turns to me n says hes going early to audition for the school musical. i was like yea whatever. he asked if i wanted to go and audition with him or stay in the boringest class ever. i went. and auditioned. my effing god i dont even know what i was thinking. hopefully i failed miserably. fml... i cant even sing. wow this post is gonna seem like it goes on forever. but it wont. i promise.