I Could Possibly Be Fading

through the smoke and dust my shitty demeanor prevails. this is an issue. the lows im supposed to feel should not last for days at a time. or so ive been taught. even just now in the shower i found myself thinking dark and overall scary thoughts. it seems kinda like once i get home the world gets just a little blacker. idk what im on about here. herbert is still alive, so thats a plus. gotta think of a present for courtney. maybe i will give her money. but right now i cant be bothered to care. i'll give it till thursday night, then i'll talk to someone bout my mood. for now, be happy. and smile. think happy thoughts. flowers. puppies. butterflies. generational solidarity. and killing yourself. wear your armour to hide your wounds. i dont mean to alarm anyone, but i might need help on this one. x