Change Is Inevitable, Except From A Vending Machine

'sometimes i wonder if i have a mental illness. i dont want to tell anyone because im scared that my fears would be confirmed. so i dont tell people what is going on in my head, and i just pretend to be as normal as i possibly can.' wow. that shit is so deep but extraordinarily valid to my circumstance. dont hav to go to work placement this week coz the guy doing it is sick. meh, i guess that means i gotta go to my grandparents with my sister. im in a really wierd mood... maybe i forgot to take my meds last night? or maybe im just like that. it goes like this... when im with people i feel so alone, but when im alone i want to be with people. i am concerned that the pills i take to stop me from killing myself also stop me from actually living. in conclusion, i think we are all suicide soldiers... we put on the mask of contentment and happiness every day when all we want to do is drift away into lonely martyrdom. maybe all our heroes failed. or maybe we are all just our own disease. x